Everyone loves to hear a compliment. “Your haircut looks fantastic!” “Great job putting together such a clear report for the client.” “Where did you learn to be such a good driver?”
We may hear many every day, if we are paying attention. Yet not every compliment has staying power. I can’t tell you who noted my latest haircut – I smiled, said thank you, and got on with my day. But I can tell you who told me the following, even though they happened years ago:
“When I am on my deathbed, I hope to have someone care for me the way you cared for him these last few days.”
“I admire how you are able to let someone know that they are being a jerk without offending them.”
What makes a compliment sticky? It aligns with who we are deep down.
The compliments that we remember months or even years later are the ones that speak to and align with our values. The compliments that have resonated with me and that I come back to even years later continue to remind me of who I am striving to be.
Connecting with and helping people have always been vitally important to me. I want to be the kind of person who is there for people when they need someone. And I want to be a part of others’ growth and learning, so they can be even better tomorrow. When I hear compliments like the ones above, I get confirmation that I am on the right path and that I am living into my truth and values.
Some friends recently shared compliments that hit home for them…
“I admire your free spirit!”
“You saved my marriage.”
“You are so graceful.”
Each of these is a window that shines a light onto their true path and values – into their alignment.
The more we hear these compliments, the better we can see our path, and be more encouraged to follow that path.
What do compliments tell us about the other person?
Compliments that we receive also tell us about the person saying them. What they notice is often what they themselves value. Because they value it, they are more likely to notice when someone else is doing a great job in that area.
If someone compliments me on the car that I drive – “Awesome set of wheels!” – I will say thanks and leave it at that. I will learn, though, that this individual is likely a car enthusiast, and a similar compliment would speak to them more deeply. They will stand taller, knowing that someone sees and appreciates their attention to and love of cars.
Compliments as a tool
Knowing how compliments both shed light on and encourage growth in line with our inner values, it is not a far leap to harness the power of compliments as a tool.
Raise awareness
Take note of the compliments you hear.
What can you learn from them, especially those that stick with you?
What do they say about your own or others’ values?
Strengthen your alignment
You don’t have to wait for someone else to pay you a compliment. During your next conversation with yourself (I cannot be the only one that does this, right?), give yourself a genuine compliment and see how it manifests into growth in that area.
How can you lean in to the values you have so that others see them on display more clearly?
Encourage growth in others
Whether an official management role, working on a team, or even as a parent – you play a part in the growth of other people.
What compliments have you noticed that made someone else sit up a little taller?
How can you pull out others’ strengths by giving them a compliment that encourages them to in that area?
This blog is part of a series exploring how we can increase awareness of alignment. Check out the other two blogs using the following links.
Stories – what is the moral of your childhood story?
Share any ideas in the comments or message me directly.
Knowing what your compass looks like today is a key first step in alignment. Start that adventure in the Creating My Compass course.
Very insightful. These ideas will definitely pop up the next time I’m in a position to give or receive a compliment. Thank you, as always, for sharing your wisdom.