I have a love/hate relationship with New Year’s resolutions. No, it is not because I have already broken mine less than two weeks into 2020. In fact, I didn’t even make one this year.
I love that resolutions are intended to be a tool for making change. It is important for me to continuously be on a path of transformation and betterment. So any tool that is meant to keep me on that path is typically whole-heartedly embraced. It will be a sad day for me when I can say “Yep. That is it. I have achieved the highest version of myself and accomplished all that I am here to do.” I hope that day never comes. I mean, really, where would I go from there? Any move that I make would take me away from the summit.
Think about what a resolution is. One of the more concise definitions that I found is “a firm decision to do something.” The majority of resolutions that I have seen and/or made have been just that. They are decisions to do something.
“I will go to the gym every day.”
“I will stop smoking.”
“I will spend less money.”
“I will get organized.”
“I will stop eating sugar.”
These are all good things. So why do studies show that as many as 80% of people fail to achieve their New Year’s resolutions? And why do we continue this practice that all too often leads to lowered self-esteem and disappointment? Resolutions tend to be words that we speak like magic spells at the stroke of midnight, and then wait for Baby New Year to bring it to fruition. We don’t set ourselves up for success with them. And worse, since they only come around once a year, they carry with them an immense weight.
I realized this year that – although it was not an intentional act at the time – I have made my final resolution. In fact, I made it a few years ago. And I failed to meet it about a month shy of a few years ago.
At some point, I stopped jumping on the resolution bandwagon. My subconscious concerns about resolutions finally outweighed the social pressure to make them. There are two elements of resolutions that drove me away for good.
First, they kept proving themselves to be inadequate. I would state a new (or rekindled) decision to do something. That statement was typically short and clear on the surface. But there was no bigger picture or frame of reference. I had not put in the time to clarify why this was important to me, how it aligned with where I was headed at that point in time, nor the most appropriate first steps for me to accomplish it.
Yes, I would start going to the gym daily. I would force the routine change so that my actions fit the resolution that I had made. But I hadn’t built the infrastructure to actually make it stick. There was a lot of friction from my old habits and competing priorities that I was ignoring. And eventually that friction would win out and take me off track.
Second, the fact that New Year’s resolutions are by definition linked to the calendar, makes me cringe. Setting a goal on January 1 of a given year seems rather arbitrary. Whether you are part of the 80% of resolution makers that fail, or the 20% that succeed, there is a good chance that you discovered which crowd you were in by the end of February. And then what? Sit around for ten months until the next New Year’s resolution season comes around?
Somewhere along the way I traded resolutions for a process that met my needs better. I believe goals should be set early and often. I removed the strict scheduling of goals that was inherent in resolutions to allow for the freedom to set them whenever they are needed. When we are the captains of our own ships and charting our course through life, we need the flexibility to adapt to what we find awaiting us around the next corner.
Goal setting has innumerable benefits. Goals provide direction for actions and decisions in personal and professional lives. They maintain focus on what has been identified as important. They provide motivation for continued growth and provide a sense of purpose. And they bring a feeling of accomplishment when they are met. But goal setting, or defining the “what,” alone is not enough. I had to bring in additional elements to the process to make it work.
By setting goals based on an awareness of where I am, where I want to go, and why I want to go there, the most worthwhile goals naturally come into view. This integration of the “why” when defining my goals makes it more likely that the goal will fit my unique situation. When the “what” is aligned with the “why,” I am more rooted in the goal and able to fully invest in seeing it through.
Goal planning is the “how” to compliment goal setting’s “what.” Once I know where I am headed, the planning stage allows me to identify the best path forward from where I am standing. It involves taking into consideration the realities of my situation, obstacles I may face, and an understanding of the investment required. It also includes making the commitment to take the first stride.
The final part of the process is the reassessment. Things change. That is the beauty of the world that we live in. It is constantly shifting under our feet. Our best laid plans will take us off track if we don’t look up once in a while to see where we are and what has moved while we were going merrily along our way.
I build in a pause periodically in order to look around and say “okay, where am I now?” By regularly gauging where I am and where I am headed ensures that my goals keep up with the ever-changing landscape. Sure, it means revisiting the “why,” the “what,” and the “how” steps. But it is only through this process that I can realign onto the right path for the ever-changing me.
I don’t look back at my resolution days with regret. Although my final resolution from a few years ago sputtered out without fanfare, I am celebrating that I allowed it to sputter and am now traversing a sounder path using a more robust and successful process for my growth.